"Perhaps we need to cultivate a stable relationship with ourselves before we invite another person to the party"
I'm a whole woman. I mean, I'm a whole lot of woman with all this body I have, but I am whole nonetheless. And as always, I have a question. Why is that when we are single, we somehow see ourselves as half a person? Scratch that, even those in relationships sometimes see themselves as half a person. Declarations like "waiting for my other half," or "he or she finally found their other half," or "you complete me," imply we are not whole, and I must admit these statements make my curious mind wander.
Let's first agree that two halves make a whole. And if we seek a love relationship or are in a love relationship with the idea that our mate is our 'other half,' are we not just left with two incomplete people invading one another's space?
When you go to a restaurant and order something, you expect a full plate with everything mentioned in the menu description. And if you don't get it, you are annoyed and send it back to receive a new dish with everything described. Correct?
If so, why are we willing to accept half a person when we won't accept half a meal? Why aren't we setting the same expectations in our love relationships as we do at a restaurant?
When you are whole, you deserve that same wholeness in return, and I think the only way to do that is to change the language surrounding the idea of seeking someone to complete us and become complete far in advance of allowing another person in our heart space.
I think it looks like us knowing who we are at the core of our being, not how others perceive us. Maybe we need to write down all the things we know are true about ourselves and walk in that truth unapologetically. Perhaps we need to cultivate a stable relationship with ourselves before we invite another person to the party. Let's get comfortable sitting at the table alone while we figure ourselves out. Those of you already in a relationship, you're not off the hook, nor are you stuck. You have the opportunity to curate a relationship with yourself, and when you pull back the layers, a whole person will emerge, and you may be surprised at what you discover. I want to leave you with this: The issue with society is not a relationship issue; it's a singleness/individual issue. From our youth, society programs us to believe that life's natural progression is to be in a love relationship, and that will make us complete. It implies that we are to marry before we turn thirty, have a few kids and live happily ever after. Nowhere does it encourage us to know who we are in advance of those things, should we even want them.
(Notice the above is an option, not a pre-requisite for a happy life, just sayin'!) This next part is in my humble, single woman in her 40's opinion. Attempting to be in a relationship or continue in one without discovering who you are in the process will result in two individuals who are strangers to themselves trying to get to know one another. And until we embrace the beauty of singleness and knowing ourselves, our relationships will always be the place we seek fulfilment but find emptiness. So take the step and begin your quest to wholeness. Once you start, nothing and no one can stop you! Be Inspired!
(Photo by Joshua Abner via Pexels)
Comments