A recent conversation on love, singleness and relationships got my thoughts in overdrive, and with Valentine's Day upon us, this post was inevitable.
First things first, let's normalize having random acts of love all the time versus going overboard during the shortest month of the year. Feel free to love me extra on February 14th but keep it consistent.
Ok, so now that that's out of the way, let's get on with the conversation!
I want us to ponder the following questions for a short while. What if the solution to fractured and unsatisfied love relationships was that we love ourselves with an intensity and level of unconditional surrender before we attempt to extend that love to another person?
What if we heal from past relationships, work on ourselves, and have a clear picture of what we want and need from another person and what we have to offer before entering into a new relationship? Consider it a sabbatical for the soul.
Next, I want to ask this. If a love relationship breaks down and you find yourself single again, do you have enough love for yourself that you are ok on your own? We don't deny feelings of hurt, sadness, and everything in between because we're human, but will the level of love you have for yourself be enough once the pain subsides? Will you be able to step away wounded but not broken? If we can honestly say yes, then I think our hearts and minds will be in a position to receive a future love that is explicitly designed for us.
When I think of pure romantic love, I see it as something present throughout the seasons and travels through our lives' ebbs and flows. I don't think this type of love will ever cause you to question your worth or what you have to offer. It's the kind of love where the other person's deepest desire is to understand you to the point that your silence speaks volumes. It's respectful and reciprocated. It won't be perfect, but it will always be transparent and pure.
"I water you, you water me, we grow together."
As I write this, I envision some of you rolling your eyes and thinking, "Aye, nice try, but this is far-fetched," but hear me out. If we logically think about it, that kind of love is attainable, but first, maybe we need to love ourselves on a similar level before we can recognize and receive it from another person.
I'm not sure if any of you have completed the 5 Love Languages Quiz, but I highly recommend it. I did mine years ago when I was fragments of my current self and re-did the quiz early last year when Talisha 2.0 was born, and my results were staggeringly different. It was to the point I thought I made a mistake and took it two more times, just to be sure. See, that alone was a revelation. I believe how we feel about ourselves, and our level of self-discovery and self-acceptance reflects how we want and expect to be loved. Maybe the golden ticket is that when we know who we are and how we need to be loved, we will inevitably connect with the person who is for us without question or hesitation. We won't settle for anything or anyone that doesn't align. Knowledge Bomb!
One last thing, and it may sound cliché, but I am a firm believer in the necessity of friendship at the foundation of our love relationships. The friendship isn't just about the ability to laugh and be silly together, although it's crucial. It's also about being vulnerable enough to share our dreams, failures and deepest fears. Our partners need to be our peace, and we need to have a sense of emotional security. Simply put, can we share our stuff without repercussion.
Let's move on because I am really into this, and hopefully, you are also.
When you strip away everything from your current love relationships, what is left? Is there a solid friendship there, or are you staring at a familiar stranger? No judgement, just asking because I think it's something important we have to ask ourselves.
There is a quote by Brandon Nembhard that states, "I water you, you water me, we grow together." And I am in love with the whole premise behind these nine words.
If we are not entering new love relationships or nurturing our current relationships with a growth mindset, why are we tangled in them? If your mate is not your biggest cheerleader and vice versa, why are you taking up a collective space?
If we can't or choose not to encourage and love one another to the point of exponential growth in our money, souls, and love for one another, that translates into us no longer moving in the same direction. How stable is a love relationship if we can't walk side by side?
I'm a hopeful romantic, not hopeless, and a firm believer that everyone deserves to have an unwavering love relationship. It will present itself differently to us all. My only wish is that we are all prepared and recognize it when it shows its beautiful face. I'm pretty sure it will catch us off guard and won't follow a specific formula. Let's not allow time to dictate how it all works out, but understand we will know it's the real thing because it will just feel right. There won't be any questions or confusion, just ease and a breath of fresh air.
Here is to celebrating and nurturing self-love, mending current love relationships and preparing for the love that is on its way.
Be Inspired!
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