I love to travel. I have an odd satisfaction when I hear the click of a stamp pressing against a fresh page of my passport. I watch the ink dry, and a smile creeps across my face as I think about the adventure at hand. Travel provides a sense of freedom, and the only thing I dread is approaching the check-in counter to have my bags weighed.
You see, I tend to overpack because I love a "just in case" outfit. Fellow over-packers know what I mean. It's the outfits you know you won't wear but pack it "just in case."
Once my bag goes on the scale, I hold my breath for the weight to pop up and wait for the clerk to put a sticker on my suitcase and forcefully shove it down the conveyor belt. I breathe a sigh of relief and don't give it a second thought and merrily sling my carry-on bag on my shoulder and patiently go through security.
I always make sure I don't put too much in my carry-on for two reasons, I want something light to carry, and I want to place it under the seat in front of me for quick access.
You see, I think we treat our emotional baggage similarly. Some we check-in and watch it move down the conveyor belt of life, it then vanishes out of sight and stays hidden for years. Then it resurfaces when we find ourselves in a relationship and have to claim it. Why? Because it is ours, and we have to claim it whether we want to or not.
When I speak of emotional baggage, I think of guilt, shame, fear and regret, etc. I believe these things result from any adverse experience we have encountered but never quite healed from entirely. Then there is the more manageable baggage that is strategically placed in front of us but doesn't require much attention. It's easy to ignore and contains the things we may need in a bind, so we keep it within arms reach.
"Emotional Baggage is heavy, and it's way too expensive to keep dragging along to all the places that life wants to take you." – innerbeautysavage.com
If you weren't aware, we ALL have emotional baggage, some of us more than others but rest assured no one is left out. You have it. I have it. Your cousin's, mom's, sister's, niece has it too.
What I say next may not be well received or a popular opinion, but I'd like you to keep an open mind and consider it.
As important as it is for us to deal with the emotional baggage we have collected, I think it's vital to be with someone ready and willing to help us unpack while we are prepared to do the same.
I shared this thought with someone, and they said they were not interested in a relationship that involves helping another person unpack. Well! to say I was shocked is an understatement, and I attempted to have an open mind and understand from their perspective of not wanting the perceived burden of a partner's unresolved trauma. Maybe it's a personality thing. Perhaps it's because I'm an empath, but I couldn't find a way to agree with their view.
No matter how much work we individually do unpacking and healing from our stuff, there will always be leftovers. Even if it fits in a carry-on bag, it's still there. These things trigger us, and the hurt little girl or little boy in us resurfaces and relives certain moments. Why? Because even though we heal, we still have scars, and there is never a point of emotional perfection, and that's ok because we can rely on the fact that there is dynamic growth.
I am learning that vulnerability without borders is essential to our relationships. To properly unpack our baggage, we need to find the sweet spot of vulnerability first. I believe wholeheartedly that an additional ingredient to a healthy and thriving relationship or friendship is to be ready to share the load. If we are only willing to carry personal baggage, what is the point of the partnership?
I am a culprit when it comes to carrying multiple bags at once. I will go shopping and have another person with me but grab all the bags in the trunk, many of them cutting off the circulation in my fingers and arms, and struggle not only to close the trunk but also to find my keys and remotely lock the doors. All while the other person is standing there empty-handed perplexed.
You may ask, why I knowingly struggle? And in full transparency, it's because I think I can handle it all myself. But the bigger question I need to ask myself is, do I have to?
Contrary to popular belief, we don't have to do it ourselves, provided we have the right person in our corner. We need to allow them to take a few bags from us to make the load more manageable, maybe even light.
And on the days when our load isn't as heavy, we can take a few of theirs and share the weight. That is how our relationships with others are supposed to look, in my opinion.
Make yourself accessible to the person who is eager to help carry, sort and empty your baggage. They are more than likely your person.
Remember, we didn't pack the bags on our own, so we shouldn't expect to carry and unload them on our own, right?
Be Inspired!
(Image by: @bel2000a via Unsplash)
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