I have been mulling over this piece for a while for various reasons. At first, I wasn't pleased with the outcome because the perfectionist in me rose to the surface.
Then I wasn't satisfied with the fact that I didn't let the topic personally sit with me, and if I am going to remain transparent, the latter needed to occur.
Have you ever had people you have removed from your life try to regain access? I find it mind-boggling because, in the simplicity of who I am, I assume that if someone has been removed from somewhere, there is a definitive reason why it needs to be permanent. I think we have all experienced people who have attempted to regain access to us after being released, and I have discovered why they do it. Well, at least for me, anyway.
There was a time when I allowed people to regain access to me because I lacked boundaries and didn't have the guts to stick up for myself and remove them permanently. You will be proud to know this is something I have become skilled at without regret.
...both hurt and disappointment were the teachers that educated me on the valuable lesson of preserving my peace...
But what about forgiveness? Well, I am glad you asked. Revoked access is not about unforgiveness; it's about protecting yourself financially, mentally, emotionally and physically. It's the act of forgiving, releasing and never giving them access to you again. If they have used us, taken advantage of us or slighted us in any way, shape or form, we should have no problem removing them and keeping them at a very safe distance—a place where they may have proximity but never regain access.
Speaking of proximity, I think we often confuse it with access and believe the two have no similarities. Proximity is parking outside my house, and access is being allowed inside to sit beside me on my sofa. People inadvertently gain proximity to us, but not everyone can or should have access. Confusing the two will eventually result in us losing sight of who we are and what we desire. A little tip, access requires our permission.
When we discover the value of the space around us, mentally, physically and emotionally, we will be diligent to whom we give access.
So, I have to ask, who has access to you right now that shouldn't? And once that person or people have come to mind, do yourself a favour and ask why they're still there.
I want to let you in on something. I believe in conducting a vetting process before anyone is granted entry into our lives. All too often, we skip this critical process of discernment and assume that because we like one another, that's all we need. Enjoying the same food or music is irrelevant to how one feels after spending time. Do you need to recover after spending time with them? Can you depend on them? And more importantly, do your souls get along? Maybe ask yourself a series of deeper questions before adding another person to the roster of your inner circle; I challenge you to ask these same questions when gently releasing them.
I wish I could say age has taught me to value the space that surrounds me, but if I am honest, both hurt and disappointment were the teachers that educated me on the valuable lesson of preserving my peace and the importance of everything that surrounds me.
So, before I go, I will leave you with this final thought. Guard your heart and your mind, and the space that surrounds it. Never skip the vetting process. There is no rush in granting access because the right people will be patient and never force their way in. Remove those who have overstayed their welcome, and remember that having access to you will always be a privilege, not a right.
Be Inspired!
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